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Behind Silence And Solitude |
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| Im A Serial Anonymous |
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Ive been happy this days Im all hype to studying Things do go well went to dover on mon and apparently, not much ppl turned up cause there have something important to attend to. Well we went back and firoz actually drove me home.. thank you =] went to sch on tues and shermaine didnt turn up for sch on both days. When i read her blog, she said she was H1N1 positive. I sat beside her on last fri, she told me she was sick. No fever but got sore throat all tht. She has a fren who have H1N1 n still meet her. I told her, nothing will happen to her, if it does ill be dead cause ill be infected. Well im in dead shit now. The whole class is on LOA. The RP guys called me, told me to stay indoors n I said yeah yeah but I was busy watching transformers =] Transformers was nice, messy fights cause u cant keep track of whose hitting who. Its like blurry. Action pack all the way but it didnt end with a good ending. The fallen fought with octomus for maybe 5-10 mins. That was like hmm okaaayyy.. Follow these instructions Do exactly as I do Lean your shoulders forward Let your hands slide over to my side Move your body closer Let your heart meet mine Love is the harmony Desire is the key Love is the melody Now sing it with me Come a little closer Take a look at me This light is so obvious I want you to see Come a little closer Look me in the eye You'll be the rythm and I'll be the beat You'll be the rythm and I'll be the beat Then I'll be the rythm and you'll be the beat And love, the shoreline, where you and I meet
Saturday, June 27, 2009
at least a few thing that made me happy.. Being a pillon.. on sajuis bike.. he ride like a mad man.. i calculated, he actually beat 4 red lights.. horn most of the time =] I no longer have fears of falling for now It made me smile after reading ariff's after such a long time he never failed to make me laugh he actually made my sunday morning... i wanna watch transformers..
ok firstly.. i really think that i should cut down hanging out with u guys cause im not appreaciated as wht i can see.. n its like most of the time.. if u thought that ive change, well its you are the one whos change..when they need to get some stuff, ill acompany them. If i need the stuff, they leave me alone.. sadly shabirin left me too.. thanks alot times ten go enjoy with your new friends I didnt treat u well as before, cause you never realised I have to put a fake front and supporting you cared about others and not myself I thought you knew but in the end, erm... nvm, fill in the blanks
Friday, June 19, 2009
Im a fool for love... I shouldnt have fall in love at all Im weak at this Even if I gave all my best, it wouldnt make any diff I will end up the same as before No matter how nice I am I knew that this would happen yet I give it risk I had enough of this heartache Being hurt like most of the time Trying to be strong but I couldnt I dont think that I could change anything back All hopes gone I have to move on I shall not steal glance I shall not be near I shall not have any urge to start a conversation I have to destroy those feelings in me Dont ever think of what if... cause you know that nothing good will happen.... azmi azmi tsk tsk Should I smile cause we're still friends or should I cry cause we cant be anything more? I thought youre the one who puts the smile on my face I thought youre the who saves me when im about to fall youre just another tear that I shed
I was shocked that u sat beside me.. I feel like.. wow .. hmm okay.. we chat.. but not that much.. but at least its more than before =] thts the best half hour tht happens after training so far =] I know its normal.. just like friends but its something to me.. Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't? Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't? You fall deeper with each passing day, But try to hide it in every possible way. She only a friend, and nothing else-.- That's the lie you keeping telling yourself. You keep on saying she's just a bud, But deep inside, you're falling in love. You get so giddy when you meet her eyes, But keep reminding yourself it isn't right. A simple glance turns into a stare, But you pretned that you don't care. It's "not right" for you two to be. Is that why you hide it so no one can see? But how long will you pretend? Keep lying that she's just a friend? Perhaps your feelings you can never show. Perhaps it's "wrong" for her to know. Your friendship can't be risked over this, So being her boy is an impossible wish... The worst feeling you'll ever feel is sitting next to the person who means the world to you knowing that you mean nothing to them
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I dont feel special. The only time i feel great is when youre beside me which is only 5 mins. Its my fault cause I didnt put any effort to chase you but I did put an effort not to get hurt. Had to remind myself every single time. Not to get high hopes X 10. Just go with the flow, I just feel that she doesnt have any feelings towards me by seing how she reacts and stuff. Day 3, still no cravings for ciggies. No cough, slight flu. The worst has yet to come. I drink coke just to avoid smoking =] It will less the craving n divert my attention.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Lykke Li- Let It Fall
So I weep So I weep So I weep So I weep In my weakest moments I weep 'Cause I like the way, tears fit my cheek In my darkest moments I cry Oh how I love the way, tears suits my face I like it salt I like it wet Like my makeup in a mess So I cry hard Let it fall And I won't stop until my tears are all shed So I weep So I weep So I weep So I weep In my joyous moments I moan 'Cause it feels so good when I let my water flow Drip drop, and I cannot stop Can't stop, no I said no Drip drop, and I cannot stop Can't stop I cry for you, cry for you I cry because I cannot help it So it runs, yes it falls And ain't no stopping at all I like it salt I like it wet Like my makeup in a mess So I cry hard Let it fall And I won't stop until my tears are all shed So I weep So I weep So I weep So I weep Let it fall
Dont care dont bother Don care don’t bother.. I don’t need a shoulder to lean on I don’t need someone to hear my stories to Ur presence’s there but ur mind’s not even there I don’t think u care about me anymore. You’ve found someone new.. Give him all the attention you want.. I don’t care anymore.. I believe that there’s a reason behind all this.. Its my mistake at the start.. That causes this things to happen.. If I could reverse back in time, I think I wouldn’t change anything cause this is supposed to happen.. Maybe you ask yourself.. Are you willing to give this up just for her very own happiness? Your close friend who puts the smile on your face. It might not be fair but lifes never fair.. Well giving up for a friend it is.. then i will.. If I don’t, things would just be the same.. shes there but she wouldn’t talk much.. When your down or sick, she wouldn’t notice.. You’re supposed to be my sis yet you’re just like a friend
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Be strong Be strong From 3am till now.. Im having a bad tummy ache... The tummy hurts so bad till im addicted going to the toilet for very half hour.. I didnt what I hate till Im like this.. Im drink Tea without sugar.. No choice, have to.. I have UT at 4.. Damn shitty .. Not schooling and theres UT. So, why do I want to quit smoking.. Is it for a girl? I couldnt answer this myself, its never easy to quit smoking. Many gave up the first week or the first month.. I think I can last ll of this.. Im doing this so that I could set a god example. So I can prove that its not difficult to quit.. n this time, i cant quit due to a girl, if i do.. if the relationship turn out bad.. i would eventually start smoking.. Well I would have a lot of free time.. Basically, I dont know what to do.. i slept in class during break 2...i didnt go down.. thts how much free time I have.. ive been eating alot nowadays.. tht is to distract me from taking a puff and yes, i predict that would become fat next year..e Approaching Day 2
In the morning, Damn shagggg.. slept in the bus.. the bus driver woke me up.. when he already park the bus in the bus bay.. Day 1 - it went well =] Totally free.. Having literally nothing to do. Slept in class during second break and didnt went down.. My fren told me, youre going to be fat.. Cause eating will distract me from smoking =] theres still a difference.. bt nvm.. just wondering how if ur girlfriend has a twin sister.. how would u different shape which is which.. you do know that 1 wrong guess, you would be in total deep shit.. Lately, i often bump on to her.. Normal, when i bump on to her, i panic and didn’t know what to do.. Didnt say hi cause she didn’t notice that i was there and she was with her friends. Didnt want to disturb. I don’t think she bother anyway..
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Its not easy to get a someone a gift.. you have to go back and forth a couple of times.. i went to cityhall to get the shoes.. then -.- , it isnt there at all.. I have to go vivo.. yeah.. troublesome, took the mrt change at outram n stuff.. I got finally, so less stress for me =] Bouldering season is over.. So im can slack for now.. climb normal.. train n prepare for next year.. well things change nowdays.. its happening right infront of my eyes.. i dont mind abt tht.. its just me i guess.. i dont actually get the right treatment as before. its diff i dont get the usual response from text message.. nowdays i get lesser n sometimes none.. bck then, u were always there when i need u.. but for now, it drop alot.. like really alot.. i really miss u, but what can i do.. u used to be the closest friend i ever had in RP. the one who I put ahead than anyone else. im used to it already.. I just need to avoid thinking about it.. shouldnt be emo cause its not worth it. I must be the normal me..having like a mindset like, no response, its ok=].. like dont think of anything.. Why do i care so much when I shouldnt Im going give it another try of quiting smoking.. I can do it.. n everyone thinks tht i couldnt.. Im all up to face the cold turkey.. heavy coughs, non stop flu.. Ive face the shitty moments for the last few weeks.. Well it couldnt get any worst well its already at its worst.. i ready to face 6 mnths of torture and at its worst stage. I will strt quitting the right time, its either this sun or tmr
Saturday, June 13, 2009
actually.. most of time..as u see im sitting far.. i dont dare to beside you.. im afraid tht you dont like it.. cause im like suke menyelit n stuff.. Actually.. im the type where like to manje manje n stuff.. but eh ...(fill in the blanks) I dont know why.. it just feels different... dont seem like before wierd thing.. i was so shy.. till i dont dare to say happy bdae -.- whts wrong with me.. never felt like this before.. wanna go to her n say but i dont dare.. when im beside her, worst.. cant even say out at all.. Now i know how shit i am at this kind of stuff.. Well im going to sell my hp.. not for my own needs... bt ppl may say it stupid.. maybe i dont mind.. at least i didnt something.. i dont think i would regret as.. its normal for me as things dont usually right.. its happening eversince.. tht happiness i shared with.. Wishes a shoulder to lean on much love n hugs held hand n lead me the way always there when i need you by my side when im sick at the end of the day, you neverfail to make me smile
Friday, June 12, 2009
June 12 Astreal Come Take me by the hand Lead me down to where you know I want to be today If I ask you, would you stay? If I plead with you, would you come back my way? I want you to know, why I can't let you go It's just this thing in my head that holds me down The way that I am, when you come around I hope you'll understand, someday Stay For sometime again Let me hold you once tonight So you won't slip away Tell me you feel love within. Tell me all the promises, you told me to believe in. I want you to know, why I can't let you go It's just this thing in my head that holds me down The way that I am, when you come around I hope you'll understand, someday
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"Square One" You're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go? You're in control, is there anything you wanna know? The future's for discovering The space in which we're travelling From the top of the first page To the end of the last day From the start in your own way You just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are Under the surface trying to break through Deciphering the codes in you I need a compass, draw me a map I'm on the top, I can't get back Whoa whoa The first line on the first page To the end of the last page From the start in your own way You just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are You just want Somebody listening to what you say Oh, you just want somebody listening to what you say It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are Is there anybody out there who Is lost and hurt and lonely too Are they bleeding all your colours into one? and if you come undone As if you've been run through Some catapult it fired you You wonder if your chance will ever come Or if you're stuck in square one Labels: stuck in square one
Things didn’t went well a first.. I was damn happy after that.. I had my family dinner at sakura.. Buffet.. I didn’t eat much.. was so stuffy.. They are smart having their menu with most baked mussels and oysters. I really love minted mussels =] one thing I’m sure of, " we don’t even know love is right in front us.. we neglect them till one day, u realised that how could you be that stupid." Rathna well never been in this situation where my whole family is so supportive.. I had good advices.. From a well experience lady... ehem.. I didn’t actually sleep.. I slept in the bus for 30 mins then done.. spent the whole night with Sha.. Talking and talking.. Laughing to each other.. Smile.. Stare at the ceiling.. Sharing what we’ve missed out.. He did consider changing to a better person.. A person with less anger and more laid back...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Well certainly, I hate myself.. I trust someone very easily.. yet... Sometimes, friends or family could just take that happiness away from you.. some isn’t intentional and some only concern about themselves.. Well greed could jeopardise You know that you’re having a problem and then u found the truth.. guessing tht its going to be fine.. Well, a new one showed up.. well it linked to the past.. hes a fren.. He don’t have the intention so.. but that is he’s way.. n he’s way may change the result in the end... do you know that history may repeat.. but in a different way.. It’s scary to see you in that condition.. i feel helpless.. felt that what can I do.. I know nothing.. I could only be there by your side.. Only aidi and aidil knows everything.. Heartbeats n stuff.. i know only some basic stuff, what you shouldn’t do.. Well.. Aidi spot my weakest point.. well.. i was to about to give up.. Cause I’m too concerned about her.. Anything happens, ill be there.. this not from my brain.. its from my heart.. Well I shouldn’t be thinking so much and stuff.. but there’s too much challenges.. One after another.. N I knew nothing.. Clueless, so how am I going to react.. So what’s the first thing that comes to my mind? a common word to hear.. Patience ... i needed that... had that patience in me for a long time.. That patience of my is fading.. Somehow.. I just don’t know why.. But it is.. Depending how and what situation it is.. Understanding? That’s not about it.. We just know part if the detail.. We have our own opinions too.. Well you should listen up and stop being such a thick head.. Well I’ve spot most of the things about you.. what are the ways and how you handle stuffs.. From what I see from it, it’s not such a big deal after all.. I guess, it’s just you and partly of hers.. At the end of the day, I’m still a nobody.. There’s no one I should trust... Not even myself.. I help them but they don’t help me due to favouritism.. Its normal.. cause I’m not that fun.. so that are not that close to me.. So when they have something special.. Which is limited, I guess I would be the last few to be invited.. don’t u dare say that well be there cause we are friends...when there’s a free ride,ull leave me walking to the mrt myself.. I’ll stick with.. Doing thing on my own.. Go to CA by myself.. Slack with my family.. n call aidi out.. Hate me for what I am.. I’m speaking out
Monday, June 1, 2009
cnt wait till this fri.. my father is back from korea and its his bdae this fri =] were going to have a family buffet..hahaha.. its been long since we last have dinner together as a family i miss those times when we had fun talking and laughing.. hmm.. i guess bill is on my sis..haha.. hmm where were going to hae dinner then? Labels: ouh no.. dad is old
my adik have been really good to me.. she was there when i need her.. she even cheer me up when im down.. so no i got 2 savior in my life .. aidi and my adik =] thanks im still down this days.. the down period.. its normal though... things seems to turn out different in your eye.. wht about the actual thing itself? is it happening just like wht i thought?
wht is there in me? i dont feel special? wht do I differ from others? others are more better than me.. u wld be more comfortable with them at the end of the day, she falls for another guy |
:Azmi: 16 january 1989 Republic Poly (Aerospace Avionics) azmi is quiet and humble azmi is not a typical guy azmi is very open minded if he knows u azmi is very random most of the times azmi has got MANBOOBS ppl call me a wierdo & even outspoken i rather be myself than being mini coopers are like wow.. I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room. azmi_iceman@hotmail.com :Friends: Friends Broadrick RP RC Family
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